If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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