I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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