i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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