We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
