Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize