so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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