The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
