woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
