Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
