no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
