I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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