There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
