Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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