On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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