We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
