Soap is not a condiment
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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