Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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