More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
