I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
