I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
