I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
