I smell stomach acid.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
