I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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