Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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