she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
