She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
