I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
