he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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