i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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