You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
