but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This is classic penis vs brain.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
