So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
