oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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