She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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