I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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