I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
