there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
