Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
