2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he shaved USA in his pubs
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
