I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
