Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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