3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
