you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
