Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
