Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think your dad took our porno
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
