I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
