I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
