you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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