I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i think im in europe. pls send help
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
