his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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