maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
