Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
