You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
