I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
