God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
