i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
