I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize