I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
