fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
