Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
did i walk over a car last night?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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