I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
