Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
