i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
