I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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