True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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