The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
