Christians are straight up FREAKS
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
