She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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