Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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