READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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