Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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