I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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