oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
