respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
