Soap is not a condiment
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
