i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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